by Raazia Ali, MSW, LSW
As well intentioned and caring parents, we want the best for our children. We want them to be successful, productive, and independent adults. Therefore, we make countless efforts to ensure that our children receive the best education, the best grades, and aim to attend the best of universities. As a result, academic intelligence becomes the indicator for our children of what it means to be successful individuals. Without a doubt it is amazing if a child knows advanced math and can spell almost any word from the dictionary.
However, if this child has difficulty managing emotions, practice conflict resolution, empathizing, handle stressful situations, or maintain healthy boundaries, will this child be reaching their full potential as successful individuals?
Therefore, it’s important to nurture and strengthen our child’s mental health.
What are some steps can we take right now to help our child’s mental health flourish?
Step 1: Encourage talking about feelings and validate our child’s feelings
It is important to pay close attention to our child’s verbal and nonverbal cues, their physical and emotional needs, and respond empathetically. By doing so, we provide a secure base in which our child can safely experience their feelings, even before they can identify and verbally articulate them. To respond empathetically means to help them validate and identify their feelings so that they can learn how to regulate their own emotions. For example, instead of reacting by saying “don’t be worried” or “don’t be sad” reflecting and responding to them the emotion you see with statements like, “I notice you feel worried about your test” or “I notice you are disappointed about not winning” can often help them feel understood and calm. Using an emoji emotions/feelings chart can be helpful when a child is still learning how to verbally express their emotions. In addition, model positive sharing about emotions and challenges. The best way to show a child it’s okay to talk about their feelings is by talking about your own. Communicate at a level that is appropriate to your child’s age and level of development. Communicate why feelings are important by telling them that feelings let us know if something is okay or not okay and feelings help us empathize with others.
Step 2: Model Healthy Behavior and Coping Skills
It is not as effective and not enough to tell our children how to behave. Children are learning more about how to manage their emotions and behaviors by how their parents manage their own emotions and behaviors. Cultivating connection and engaging them with coping skills such as deep breathing (i.e. star breathing, flower & candle breathing, etc.), making art, using fidgets (mindfulness jar, stress balls, etc.) or spending time outdoors can foster healthy relationships and use of healthy coping strategies in our children.
Step 3: Encourage seeking help and assist in effective problem solving
Often as parents we may go into fix-it mode when a child presents with a struggle. For example, if a child has behavioral issues, we may offer incentives or take away their favorite toys/video games in hopes of better behavior without exploring the underlying issue. It is important to ask them what is going on, help them understand the pros and cons of their current behavior, and brainstorm ways together to reduce the behavior from happening again. Sometimes, through exploration we can address mental health concerns such as anxiety, ADHD, learning disabilities, or effects of bullying.
We as humans are not inherently born with the ability to regulate and properly pinpoint our emotions. This skill must be learned and nurtured. Letting our children know that we are there for them and letting them know that there are mental health professionals to assist and support them can do wonders to improve and protect their mental health and lead them to be more empathetic, well adjusted adults.
